This assignment was submitted as part of foundation training and is intended only as a resource for trainees and new facilitators.
Women, daddy’s girl and what strengthen’s women
Our transgenerational connection begins with the relationship to our mother, and then flows through her to our relationship with father. Our father’s most important role in the family is support for mother. In his support of mother, father plays a deeply important role in the wellness of his offspring. For a daughter, the relationship with father is important, however, the relationship with mother is essential to a daughter’s wellbeing.
Ideal transition for girls to women:-
The ideal scenario dictates that mother is the child’s first love and then the daughter needs to be exposed throughout childhood to her father-daddy her first love of the opposite gender, before moving back by puberty to mother’s sphere of influence/circle of energy /world of women (latter are interchangeable terms dependant on various authors).
To find success and happiness in future relationships as an adult, the daughter will need to separate herself from both her parental energetic attachments and entanglements, whether they be loving or resentful. However, if she knows only her mother’s influence she doesn’t experience the attraction of the masculine with her father whereas if a woman is still tied to her father, she remains a daddy’s girl and often secretly holds the child’s belief that she would be a better partner for him than her mother is. Girl’s stuck in daddy’s sphere of influence can result in child:parent partnerships, power conflicts and dysfunctional families due to the incorrect order in the flow of love namely parent-child ahead of/or instead of firstly partnership of husband-wife then secondly parent-child and where the correct order of love should be parents give and children take and not parentification when a child assumes the position of the parent giving to their own parent. A daddy’s girl doesn’t usually mature fully into her womanhood with consequences such as her having difficulty relating as an equal partner and difficulty becoming a generous, giving mother to her children.
To become a woman, its necessary for a girl to leave the first man in her life – her father/daddy – and return to stand by her mother in the sphere of influence of women. A daughter who has moved from her father’s sphere of influence back to her mother’s doesn’t lose her father, nor does he lose her. The contrary, she develops more respect and appreciation for him. Even more importantly, the parents’ relationship is stronger when the sons are near their father and the daughters are near their mother as there is no confusion in the family system.
What strengthen women: –
- Wellness comes in caring for self first, then giving to others a principle also endorsed by Chinese Medicine as “valuing self” as using ones resources to meet ones own needs first and using only spare resource capacity for others means a continuous and healthy supply of Qi or essential life energy and hence long life.
- When a woman connects to her inner core to find wellbeing, to self soothe herself, to self parent herself, and to give unconditional self love to herself. Woman connected to their authentic inner self feel connected in a healthy way to the greater systems around them and she also has a healthy energy boundary with others.
- To find success as a woman and become emotionally mature, a young girl needs to be firmly planted in her mother’s circle of energy (sphere of influence – world of women), with all her long line of strong, effective female ancestors supporting her.
- Question :- If you are a woman, do you consider yourself to be an exception to the stereotypes you carry about most other women?. Your answer to this question will tell you about any female gender bias you might unconsciously hold against yourself!
- We are a 50%+50% product of both parents. We are our parents enhanced and infused by those aspects unique to our specific life context, environment and more so whatever we reject in our parents means we reject in our self as what we resist persists.
- Whoever loves and honours life implicitly loves and honours the giver of life. Loving and honouring life means being in harmony with both ones parents by acknowledging with sincere gratitude ones “gift of life” from our parents, the only ones who can give us this gift, thereby honouring both the ”gift of life” and “giver”, namely Source via parents.
- It is essential to keep refreshing ones womanness – femaleness and a woman renews this in the company of/sphere of influence of women and doing things women do when they gather among themselves.
Its never too late to choose as an adult to shift the outdated emotional response strategies and patterns set up in early childhood, as coping mechanism to any emotional trauma and stress you may have experienced, but which no longer serve you as an adult. Healing comes when one develops compassion for ones mother and father and their respective life journeys. Embracing an updated “bigger” family system perspective and context means one is able to choose to wrap up the past and look forward thereby choosing to thrive in one’s adult energy including firstly taking care of oneself and ones needs, while being responsible and free to live ones own fate.
- Are you stuck in life? Patricia Robertson Sept 2013, peacefulpossibilities.ca
- Mothers and daughters, Part 1-3 by Patricia Robertson, Nov 2014, peacefulpossibilities.ca
- Love’s Hidden Symmetry – what makes love work in relationships by Bert Hellinger with Gunthard Weber and Hunter Beaumont, 2001
- Supporting Love – how love works in couple relationships, Bert Hellinger’s work with couples, ….